THE FIRST RANT OF THE LUNAR NEW YEAR

Waiting and blogging at the lobby. I arrived at 9am and I am still waiting for the team to brief me. It is now 9.30am.

It just turned to the new lunar year and I am excited for the new things that I will be embarking on. Amazing things have happened and I have never been more comfortable with myself. I have left relationships and friendships and a job that was doing me harm. I am now loving myself more and in appreciation of the things I can and should do for myself, instead of putting others first. 

I am sitting at an agency’s lobby now, ‘patiently’ waiting for the Human Resource and the Team Manager to come to brief me on my 8-day gig. I was asked to come in at 9am and it is now 9.20am. And no, I am not going to sit here to play with my thumbs. I will make use of my time efficiently when people make me wait. I have been carrying projects with me these days, which I can embark on whilst waiting, or traveling, to maximise my time. These portable projects give me a lot of pleasure, considering I used to work too much and too hard for a family who does not understand or appreciate it.

So, yes. I come first. If you need my help, you can pay for it and I will help you from 9am to 6pm. But I will not sit there and play with thumbs and wait for you get off your arse, nor will I always entertain your inefficiency and stay late to cover for you lack of time management. 

I have been thinking hard these few months of resting, learning and traveling... what really matters to me in life. This is no doubt a question we all ask ourselves, but I wonder how many times we are honest with ourselves. Many times life just happens so it becomes that these things that matter become secondary or are forgotten. I really did forget about all these things in my last job. 

Sometimes I wonder if I was to blame for losing myself at work. And then forgetting what is important. I did tell my employer things were not exactly working out and that we had to change things. That didn't go down well. Instead, he said it was self-inflicted. I guess that was the biggest slap for me. That was the time I thought enough was enough and I have to leave such suckers and live my own life. I didn't know what it was going to be. Not that I know any more now. But I know for sure that these few months of joblessness was more than pleasant. It was a good use of my time to rest, learn and travel. Better use of it this way then to be slogging for an idiot who doesn't understand aesthetics and the bigger picture of things. 

Yikes, it still gets me agitated when I start to talk about it. Next.

And so I have been asking myself what I really want in my career since that was the key question from many of my headhunters. I used to give very confusing answers, that the work needs to be this and that, and the people need to be this and that. I am not sure if seeking an ideal environment really means anything at all. No ideal environment exists. Even if they do, they do not last. So what is it that I really want?

I believe I have worked very hard to arrive at where I am now. Am I going to sell myself cheap? Or am I willing to slog and slave and for someone who doesn't understand aesthetics? Or do I wait it out? I cannot agree more with Paul Rand's quote. Yes you pay me. If you want something, you pay me. It sounds arrogant. And so it should be. It was Paul Rand. But is it arrogant for me to say this? Perhaps you should say, who is she to demand this of people?

But shouldn't I have self worth? Paul Rand's 6 degree is very different from mine. And he probably said that to people who would pay him thousands and more. I am nothing more than a small fry who is asking for hundreds. So is it right then?

It is coming to 9.45am and I am still sitting here. I am wondering what else I should do. Perhaps I should just watch a movie. It isn't too shabby for someone to pay you to watch a movie.