LESSONS IN 2014

What an amazing year! And it is coming to a close. I am excited about what more is to come in the future but I also have to work hard to achieve the things I truly want to happen. As much as I believe in the cosmics and enjoy reading Susan Miller's monthly predictions, life doesn't just fall on your lap. There are many valuable lessons I have learnt this year. And since October, a lot of things have become more apparent to me.

Last year, a cosmic teller told me that October 2014 will be the moment of turn for me. I will be entering what is a supernova decade. I conjured up the term 'supernova decade'. But he said so many things that is impossible to spell everything out in this post. 

The biggest thing that clicked in me was the fact that my job didn't work out for me. When I went to the cosmic teller last year, I thought this supernova decade would be with the company; since I switched my job and somewhat career at that point of time, and it seemed then plausible that I would stay with them for a long time to come. 

1. STANDARDS

Come this year, I realised a lot of differences between the company and myself. I have such high standards that all of a sudden my helping the guy to earn his inheritance, became self-inflicted exhaustion and stress. I find that extremely laughable and pathetic coming from an ungrateful who is running a creative business. As Tony Robbins reiterated, what defines us is all about our standards. Some people do not mind being mediocre, some people want to be more, some people just want global fame... for mediocrity? How can one up his game when he doesn't believe in standards? 

2. WHAT IS A GOOD FRIEND? WHAT IS A WORTHY FRIEND?
I have a good friend. Which, sigh, to the biggest regret or not, I am at this point in my life where I am wondering what actually defines a 'good friend'. She hangs out with me, we go walk around town together...etc. But honestly, I do not think I have really stopped to think what defines 'good'. Come to think of it, she wasn't really there when I truly needed her. So, is company in your good state enough when that person isn't there when you are depressed. I think we all know the answer. She wasn't all MIA, but let me just say she was not extremely trustworthy. She just disappeared when things are hard.

In the turn of the decade, I have been ruthless to let go of friends. I cannot say that this is an easy thing to do, nor is it the right thing to do. But let me put it this way, would you keep someone who thinks he owns you as a friend? Or would you keep someone who talks bad behind you? Or would you keep someone who thinks she has the liberty to meddle in your personal business? Or would you keep someone who cannot be open and accept when you are honest to them about what you don't like about them? Not asking them to change, you should never ask a friend to change, nor a partner, nor a family member. But is it too much to ask that person to inform you that her husband would be joining later? I see it as pretty rude and intrusive for a husband to turn up at a girls' day out.

Anyway, those are just some examples. I often ask myself if I was too ruthless. But then again, how would I be if they are still in my life? For the gay friend who thought he owns me; I would have to include him in all my activities, I cannot be alone with a friend because I want to catch up. For the person who spoke bad behind me, why does she want to be my friend anyhow?

After many baffling questions and ponderous nights, I think the answer, or at least my answer to myself is very obvious. Life is short. And if there is such a thing as a bucket list for those crazy bungee  jumps and places to visit, why isn't there a bucket list of people in your life? Do we need a few hundred Facebook friends whom we don't even know that well? Or just 7 according to Karl Pilkington who thinks that we should all follow the model of Snow White and the 7 Dwarves. He reckons you do not need that many, 7 is just enough. Not 8, he says. I guess that goes beyond the magic number.


3. ACTION vs WORDS
And then there is this. I have a friend who sits on her ass and says she loves traveling. It gets on my nerve so much. This is, to Tony Robbins' point again, this is a wish, not a resolution. You are not doing it, you are just asking it.

In the span of this year, I have visited Hokkaido, Langkawi, Kuala Lumpur, Yogyakarta, Siem Reap, Bandung...and I have 2 more travels coming up. I am not bragging, but I have made it a point this year that I will not sit on my ass. I am not the sort of person who says things and not fulfill them. A lot of people who know me will tell you that I am a woman of my words. I made a conscious effort this year to travel by myself without having to wait for people's schedules, or to wait for them to stop wishing and start resolving.

It kills me for someone to say something and then it doesn't materialise. Again, life is short and there is all these YOLO (you only live once) and WOLO (we only live once). So what is happening? There are always excuses. Oh yes, I have to do this and that, oh yes, I was busy. In reality and all truth about psychology, you will get it done if you really want something bad enough. So if you don't want it that much, stop wishing. Perhaps wish it once since you know you will not resolve it, then forget it.

4. IF YOU ARE STAGNANT, YOU BREED MOSQUITOES AND SUCK MY BLOOD

We all grow and develop at different rates. Sometimes some people do it at the same rate if they try hard enough to sync. These are mostly successful couples or business partners or I don't know, people who really want one another in their lives.

I have a friend who is stagnating herself and she doesn't realise it. I doubt she will even read this post because she just doesn't do a lot. She is addicted to her phone and she doesn't admit it. Anyway, if you are reading this, hi! And you know this is nothing about ranting behind your back because I have told you about this many times. It has gotten to a stage of being very exhausted as a friend.

As a good friend, you'd try to help. Trust me, I have, so many times, beyond what is needed.

She doesn't read the news. I tell her the latest and encourage her to even just read headlines and subheadlines. She is socially inept. I remind her to put her phone, her addiction aside when we are out with people. She is cheapskate. I try to find good deals so that we can enjoy good food too. She is too cheapskate. I try to educate her on the importance of travel insurance when she thinks she will not die so easily. She is dependent. I organised everything for her when we go out but I have recently included details like timings and addresses in calendar invites for her, but she doesn't accept them. She wants to switch careers. I encourage her to brand herself and it came up to all sort of excuses. She is unassertive and longwinded. I was patient enough to sit listening to her repeating herself and pushing decisions to me when I only asked for a place to have dinner. Oh, that went on for 15 minutes, the pushing of decision-making. She is everything above. I found a free life coaching seminar for her only for her to find excuses saying she cannot afford 2 hours that evening to attend.

So, how much can a friend try to help? 

I feel I am on a roller coaster. But she is that stagnant pond with mossies trying to suck me dry. Do I leave, do I continue walking faster and leave her behind? She doesn't want the help. She doesn't see that she needs it. Is it time to be ruthless?